taking my own advice

and taking a few long, deep breaths.

i know it's been a while, and maybe nobody even reads this anymore; no matter. it's been a long winter, and a long year. but thankfully winter always melts away into spring, and spring warms up into summer. and i'm learning again how the quiet recognition of life's small and simple grace can make life and healing and renewal out of broken desperation.

and so here we go. maybe again. maybe just this once.

a few things

saturday morning yoga on my bedroom floor, with the windows open and a slow breeze breaking through the early humidity. all while listening to this song.

wide wooden windowsills. off-white flower pots with life growing. glass jars bleached blueish-white by the sun. a collection of books by a group of female authors who have, over the past year, come to feel like close friends.

v-neck cotton t-shirts in 10 different colors. second-hand jeans rolled up, giving my ankles a chance to feel the sun shining.

the muscle-memory of summer life. without thinking it through, i'm buying ice-cold sparkling water to drink on my sticky walk to the hospital. a stop at the grocery store to stock-up on (real) juice and six different types of summer beer in as many bottles. a cold treat for the end of a long, summer day. waking up on top of the covers and iced-coffee in the morning. taking everything slow, since the heat and humidity won't let my transitioning body move more quickly. sandals and painted toe-nails. the white on the webs of my fingers as my hands move toward tan.

sunday morning coffee with a book.
the sowa open market, finished off with a jerk chicken sandwich from a truck window and creamy frozen yogurt with raspberries ripe red.
my favorite music.
an early morning bike ride downtown for coffee with a friend.
summer haze so thick you can see it.
cape cod and lobster rolls and fried clams in a box.
bread dough soft and pliable between my fingers.
mango juice messy all over my hands and lips.

12 months completed; 6 more to go (RN or bust). blood. sweat. tears. laughter. love. hope. loss.

and life. so much beautiful and broken life.