trust and surrender, humility and grace

my first year of college was scary. i chose to move 2000 miles away from home to a place where people don't pronounce their r's, and the seasons revolve around sports instead of the sun. boston.

looking back, i wonder how such a small, immature 18 year old female had the guts to move so far from everything that was familiar to her? i remember being intimidated by the city, but enchanted at the same time. i loved the history, and the feeling of being anonymously part of a place that was significant.

when i got homesick, which i often did, i learned to journal. it's something i've stopped doing in the last four years, and it's my loss really. one exercise that i found particularly helpful when life felt too overwhelming was to think back on all the things - in the last hour, perhaps, or the last few days - that threatened to fill my heart with joy, peace and trust if i would only let them.

today, i'm an almost 26 year old - much wiser, a bit more mature - and i find myself in this place again. i've moved several times since i was 18. boston only had me for 3 semesters before i moved back to illinois to be closer to my family and the things that were familiar. a few years later, i found myself on the road to fairfax, california. i lived for a year as a nanny in that bohemian northern california town and loved most of it. from fairfax i made the move to san francisco, where i have lived and loved and grown for the past 2 years.

and now i guess i'm moving on - maybe just for a little while. somehow, i don't think i'm done with the west coast but i suppose only time and providence will tell. still, that anxious, scared 18 year old girl seems to be coming alive inside of me. you'd think i would feel more confident, given my history of moving around from place to place. but i don't necessarily. leaving the people and the city i've grown to love will never be easy.

all of this is really just a long way of explaining what i am about to do. i hope you can find something to celebrate as i share the things that bring me joy - the simple graces of life that are easy to miss when we aren't looking. i hope they might comfort your heart like they comfort mine - when i let them...





things that bring me joy today:


drinking a $3 beer and eating belgian fries with good friends.

wearing rainboots to work and stomping around a bit when no one is looking.

my biggest nurse-cheerleader holding my hand and telling me that i'm stronger than i think i am, and i can do this.

anne lamott and the way she shares about life's lessons in trust and surrender, humility and grace so that my soul finally has room to breathe.

certain moments when the Spirit of God fills my heart and helps me to trust that He is in fact in control, and He is a God of LOVE. Everything else fades away and all of the sudden i feel whole and secure - even if just for a bit.

celebrating birthdays with friends who seem to know me - even if we've only known each other for a little while. the kind of friends who, when you're around them, help you feel a little more okay in some wonderful way.

the mornings when my shower actually has enough hot water to last my whole 7 minutes.

roommates who make me smile because they think they intuitively know when the next MUNI is coming - and they are actually right.

okay, enough for now. i could keep going, but i should save some for tomorrow:)